Trauma Counseling — Attuned Connections Therapy

Heal Your Inner Child

Developmental Trauma & Attachment Wounds

DEVELOPMENTAL NEEDS MEETING STRATEGY (DNMS)

The DNMS is a psychotherapeutic approach for healing wounded adults, based on what is known about how a child’s brain develops within a healthy family.

• Reactive to other people
• “Triggered” frequently in interactions with others – at home or work
• Feel powerless
• Reactions seem disproportionate to events
• Regret for “childish” behaviors when you reflect on them
• Defensiveness/ inability to accept feedback or constructive criticism
• Angry/ rebellious
• Depression that is not biochemical
• Anxiety
• Complex PTSD
• Hypervigilance
• Dissociation
• Chronic relationship problems
• Believe you are worthless, stupid, not good enough, that you don’t matter, or that something is inherently wrong with you
• Self-injury or suicidal thoughts
If so, you may be “stuck” with the effects of wounding experiences from the past.
• Rejection
• Shaming
• Emotional neglect
• Criticism or contempt
• Disinterest in you
• Failure to repair breaks in connection
• Chronic mis-attunement
• Enmeshment
• Failure to meet emotional needs
If so, DNMS can help you heal from these relational Attachment Wounds. These occur when a primary caregiver fails to meet emotional needs well. Some of these caregivers are well-meaning, while others are hostile. When attachment wounding is extensive, it can feel just as bad as trauma wounding.
• Physical threats/ intimidation or abuse
• Sexual threats or abuse
• Dangerous/ harmful negligence
If so, DNMS may help you heal from these relational Trauma Wounds. These occur when a child witnesses OR experiences these traumatic events inflicted by a primary caregiver, OR by a non-caregiver. (*DNMS can treat non-caregiver trauma wounds when they are accompanied by attachment wounding.)

The degree to which developmental needs were not adequately met, is the degree to which a person (wounded part of self) can become stuck in childhood.

Being “stuck” means that behaviors, beliefs or emotions connected to unresolved wounds from the past can get triggered today.

In DNMS, healing occurs when unmet developmental needs are met in the present by a team of inner resources.

Helping clients heal and get un-stuck from wounds of their past is my deepest passion as a therapist.

DNMS Frequently Asked Questions

DNMS is not short-term therapy. It requires a true desire to heal, and works best with highly motivated clients who want to do this work. It requires consistency and commitment. While DNMS is not short-term therapy, it is efficient as it gets to the root of the problems in order to become un-stuck. It is not a band-aid approach. I have worked with clients who have been in and out of therapy for years, worked through the DNMS, then found that they finally felt free of what was still keeping them stuck after some benefits of previous therapy.
While the DNMS itself has not gone through the extensive process to be considered an evidence-based approach, it is “psychodynamic” (addresses how adult functioning and patterns in emotions, thoughts and behaviors are connected to/ originate in early life experiences). Psychodynamic therapy is evidence-based.
DNMS is also an “Ego-state therapy” (works with distinct parts/ aspects of self that are fragmented in order to integrate these wounded parts into the whole). Ego-state therapy is a type of psychodynamic therapy.
Memories are not necessary in order to benefit from DNMS, as the focus is on internalized wounding messages (verbalized or not verbalized) from caregivers, rather than memories and events. In fact, DNMS is known to be a “gentler” approach compared to popular trauma therapies.
Again, DNMS is typically experienced as a gentler approach to dealing with difficult experiences. That said, many clients become significantly fatigued after sessions in which we are in the depths of processing and healing. To prepare for this, I encourage clients to schedule such DNMS visits on days that will be otherwise less demanding, with time for recovery/ rest/ self-care afterward. A lesser-reported experience is the “stirring” of old wounding messages/ wounded parts. I work diligently during this therapy to inform clients about “self-soothing” strategies between visits.
Yes, DNMS may not be right for you if: you are not willing/ able to make a commitment to consistent sessions, if you experience severe emotional dysregulation/ instability, if you have untreated ADD/ ADHD, if your mental health struggles are NOT related to trauma & attachment wounds, if you are in active addiction or detox, are experiencing an untreated eating disorder or are acutely suicidal.

If you would like to explore DNMS therapy, I want you to know that you can heal and overcome the burdens of your past.

You can also click here to download a handout about DNMS.

Please note that I use DNMS only with adult clients.

Throughout this healing work, we will apply Alternating Bilateral Stimulation (ABS), to strengthen positive experiences, such as: connections to inner resources, the experience of needs being met by inner resources as well as new positive beliefs about self. This may be done using side-to-side eye movements, specially-mixed sound (such as ocean waves), tactile ABS, or the DNMS TheraTapper. The method used is based on your personal preference/ what is most effective for you. ABS stimulates both hemispheres of the brain and facilitates communication between wounded parts of self and inner resources.

As a result, wounded parts are ultimately integrated into your most adult self, one that is responsive instead of reactive, has a positive sense of self, can experience trust in self and others, care well for oneself, and is more at ease in relationships.